Blonde Jokes
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O
Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How do you know a blond likes you?
A: She screws you two nights in a row.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her bum along the floor!
Q: Why is a blonde like Australia?
A: They're both down under, and no one cares.
Q: Why does a blonde like the number 77?
A: She likes to be 8 (ate) more.
Q: Why are blondes like pianos?
A: When they aren't upright, they're grand.
Q: Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
A: Who cares?
Q: Why can't blondes count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A: They spread for the bread.
Q: What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
A: Cherry Float
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: a foursome.
Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: Penicillin.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: They have to pull their own pants down.
Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A1: "All the blondes have gone home!"
A2: Has that blonde gone yet?
A3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
A: A prostitoad.
Q: What is 68 to a blonde?
A: Where she goes down on you and you owe her one.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds
her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange
juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
A: She wanted to go on a round trip.
Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes
driving lessons ?
A: You can also sit upright in a car.
Q: What's the definition of a metallurgist?
A: A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal
or a common ore.
Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
A: Vaseline and Poli-Grip.
Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and
a dead skunk in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
A: Prostitutes don't drive Ferrari's
Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb?
A: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a bitch?
A: A blonde will screw anyone, a bitch will screw anyone but you.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and
a blonde with diarrhea?
A: One shucks between fits.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around
for two weeks whining.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had
sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.
Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she
was making love to him?
A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had
already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in
her bra?
A: Thanks for the refill.